triedunture: (time lord)
[personal profile] triedunture


So this is how I guess pretty much every episode of Torchwood goes:

Alien thingy causes lots of gore and/or sexual sexiness. Team TW punches it in the face/has sex with it. Jack yells "NOOOOO!" a lot. Someone cries. ACTING is done by all.

So I saw the episode with the alien tech that makes people see the past or future. That was pretty disappointing. I mean, the whole knife standoff at the end? Just crazy stupid. And then someone wraps Gwen up in a blanket afterward? Why? I'm reminded of that comedy about being held hostage in a robbery and when they finally escape, everyone's trying to throw blankets on them and they're like WTF WHY DO BLANKETS ALWAYS MAKE AN APPEARANCE IN TRAUMATIC SITUATIONS?

All I'm saying is, man up everybody! So some old dude died. A TON of people have died in every one of your adventures. Just saying.

Then the Cyberwoman episode. Have you ever seen a more blatant excuse for sexualizing a character ever? What was the explanation for the Cybermen suddenly making a new strain that softer, squishy, curvier, and ridiculously wet-dreamy? How come poor Japanese guy got a fucking ugly bolt shot through his eye and head when he was being turned into a Cyberman, but Lisa looked totally fab? This sort of retarded scifi softcore really pisses me off. You want sexy robots attacking the earth? Fine. Just give me a fucking reason! I WILL BUY A REASON IF YOU GIVE ME ONE.

SIGH. And I was really looking forward to some backstory on this Ianto bird. He's an adorable guy, and I want to ship him like mad, but has he done anything so far besides cry, whine, whimper, and generally be useless? MAN UP. And this goes for Gwen and Jack as well! Y'all have way too many emotional outbursts to be effective seeekrit agents in charge of aliens.

And the fairy story. Um, was it ever explained why the fairies killed all those soldiers in Jack's past? Do they just do crazy shit sometimes and there's nothing we can do to stop it? That's sort of a shitty resolution for this madcap adventure! And why did they kill that old woman all of a sudden? JUST so we could see another emotional outburst from the team leader? Jesus effing Christ!

EVERYONE. HAND TORCHWOOD OVER TO ME. I WILL RUN THIS THING LIKE A REAL AMERICAN WOULD. LESS TALK ABOUT FEELINGS. MORE SHOOTING SHIT IN THE FACE.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-04-25 11:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lady529.livejournal.com
LESS TALK ABOUT FEELINGS. MORE SHOOTING SHIT IN THE FACE.

Yeah, Jack in 1x06 Countrycide..

Um, was it ever explained why the fairies killed all those soldiers in Jack's past? Do they just do crazy shit sometimes and there's nothing we can do to stop it? That's sort of a shitty resolution for this madcap adventure! And why did they kill that old woman all of a sudden?

Yes, Jack says when he's telling the story that the men gor drunk and ran over a child with one of their trucks, and that child was a chosen one, hence the fairies killed them. A fairly logical reason for homicidal fairythingies, isn't it..?

Estelle was seen as a threat because of her closeness to Jack, although I do agree that that wasn't really that convincing a thing to do in the middle of that episode. Scared her so she died of a heart attack would have made more sense, even in TW world. But then Gwen wouldn't have had a chance to stand next to Jack as he probably wanted to be alone and sad. And we can't have that.

Ianto picks up from here (although be prepared for some pining over the loss of the strangely eroticised Cyberslagwoman his gf was somehow turned into), Jack works better towards and in S2 imo, maybe 'cause he's back to being a bit more like the DW Jack, and not so much 'OMG I have to oogle Gwen when she's being annoying 'cause that's what the producers said I should and apparently I love her so yeah'. Gwen I don't care for, so I'm not even going there. Though be prepared for whining from her part. Owen's the only one who doesn't get overly emotional, Tosh gets emotional, but depending on how you interpret her character, that might be defendable. And I didn't think it nearly as annoying as Gwen.

Btw, I think the deal in 1x03 Ghost Machine was that Gwen held the knife when he died, and I think he was the first person she 'killed'. I still thought that was OTT, no way does the new girl do everything. Except on Torchwood. That's the main thing that bothers me, that EVERYTHING is about Gwen in the first episodes. Even what was supposed to be 'Ianto's episode' had to have Gwen in the spotlight as well, 'cause nobody else could have ended up on that cyberconvertion unit. Couldn't be Owen, noo..

And no, I do not dislike Gwen 'cause she's prettier than me/'cause Jack LUVVS HER AND I'M JEALOUS/'cause she's so cool. I dislike her because I find her character unbelievable and annoying. Imo she does sort of get a little bit better in S2, but that could be the fact that we actually get to see more Ianto (yay!) and less Gwen. And I do like my Ianto.

I think starting to watch TW when it started airing and there wasn't a hype might have made it easier for me to like it, there weren't anyone who pimped it to Hades and back. I still think I'd like it, but not having any expectations other than Jack strutting about in his braces probably helped more than I thought..

The Lady 529

(no subject)

Date: 2009-04-25 11:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] triedunture.livejournal.com
Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm obviously going to keep watching it. I'll just be bitching about it like a slag until it grows on me, much like Dr Who.

You are right about the fairies re: solider killing. Just saying, though...it doesn't make much sense to me. I mean, if the fairies protect the kids they've chosen then why couldn't they prevent the accident? WHATEVS I KNOW I'M READING TOO MUCH INTO THIS.

I am totes with you on Gwen. I don't dislike her just because she's the main female character and I'm a self-hating slash fan; I dislike her because she seems really...not good at her job. How come she got to be second in command anyway? Surely Owen or Tosh should have outranked her.

Sorry to whine about this show so much! I know it's going to get better (or just sexier?) the longer I stick with it.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-04-25 11:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lady529.livejournal.com
I've spent ages bitching about Gwen with my mates. Despite having different fav characters, all of them dislike her. I think it's silly that they don't do a couple of tiny changes in her character when it's rather obvious that'd make her a lot more popular with the viewers. I'm thinking of a bit less whinging and a bit less egocentrism (not everything has to be about her).

I don't think the fairies are capable of stopping a car for some reason, other than getting into it and killing the driver. Read a discussion about this ages ago, but can't remember what the conclusion was.

You remember I said 1x01 and 1x02 were two of the three worst TW episodes imo? 1x04 Cyberwoman was the third. Not because the idea isn't actually rather brilliant, but because they ballsed it up so much by not having her look like a Cyberman with some human parts showing here and there. I was rather disappointed for Ianto's sake, as it was going to be his episode in a way, and it got ruined by the rubbishness of whoever said that was a good design for the Cyberwoman.

I can't wait for you to get to 2x11 Adrift. There'll be nom for you before that, but that one scene is just omnomnom.. Of course, Gwen has to go ahead and ruin the fun (for a while) : P

The Lady 529

(no subject)

Date: 2009-04-25 11:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] euclase.livejournal.com
YOU MEAN YOU TRIED TO ACTUALLY WATCH TORCHWOOD WITH YOUR BRAIN OMG THAT IS SO TOTALLY NOVEL I NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT.

XD

The only way I can watch and enjoy Torchwood is to think of it as the opposite of Firefly. The characters are clumsy, stupid, emo, really pretty mundane all things considered, and they suck at their jobs. That's how I went from WTF THIS IS BATSHIT AWFUL to OMG THIS IS THE BEST HEROIN EVER AND EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE SEX WITH EVERYONE in the space of, like, ten minutes.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-04-26 01:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] waqaychay.livejournal.com
*lol* yeah, i'll agree that torchwood should be watched without your brain engaged. but it does get better toward the end of season 1. and season 2 is awesome. so keep watching, bb! "countrycide" is really good, and "they keep killing suzie" is even better. just be prepared for a lot of angsty!gwen. (i'm also on the "gwen is annoying" bandwagon. she needs to get eaten by something horrible with huge teeth.)

(no subject)

Date: 2009-04-30 02:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lady529.livejournal.com
she needs to get eaten by something horrible with huge teeth.

*shoves old primary school teacher in general direction of Cardiff*

The Lady 529

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-01 03:59 am (UTC)

(no subject)

Date: 2009-04-26 03:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thirstyrobot.livejournal.com
Pretty much my ENTIRE first watching of TW was spent yelling at the TV.

S1 they were up in the air as to whether Jack was going to bang Gwen or not, which I think is pretty much why she's so fucking insufferable. I've grown to like her, sort of. The version of her that I've reconciled with the so-called canon, anyway.

Some good Ianto backstory does happen, mostly next season. They dole it out like that chap in charge of the gruel in Oliver Twist, though.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-04-26 08:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] georgeodowd.livejournal.com
See, the whole reason why I love Torchwood is because it is so unabashedly campy. I think trying to take it too seriously will end in heartbreak. I saw it before I knew the first thing about Doctor Who, and I grew up madly in love with the worst camp scifi show ever made, so I guess that made it easier for me.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-04-27 01:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cestlavieminako.livejournal.com
You won't really see much of Ianto not being all butler/teaboy till season 2. That is when he really became an actual team member as opposed to a decorative plant. XD

And wait for Countrycide. That was the first episode of the series I ever saw, and it really sticks in the mind.

Trust me, just hang in there till season 2, and it'll be well worth it.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-04-27 07:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] prologi.livejournal.com
Torchwood is pretty shite, tbh, but I can't help but love it. (The fandom is in part fantastic and intelligent, but largely teens going 'omg squee!' and writing mpreg and 'lolz sugar high' fic. :/ )

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