Recipe: Lentil Stew Thingy

[triedunture]

This is a recipe I have never, ever gotten tired of. It makes so, so much food and yet I'll eat it steadily until it's gone. It's got everything: vegetables, starch, protein. That is a complete and balanced meal all on its own.

So first, you'll need a good amount of chicken or vegetable broth or stock. You could spend $3 on a carton of it at the store, but it won't be enough, and also, it sucks. So I made some homemade vegetable stock first. (Gosh, it's like two recipes in one.)

Ready to make stock? It's retardedly easy!

First, cut up a couple of onions, a few carrots, and a few stalks of celery, leaves and all. (All the flavor that celery has is in the leaves. I can't believe you've been picking them off all this fucking time.)



Put all that goodness in a big pot and fill it with water. Looks, it floats!

Now cook it over very, very low heat, just a simmer, for hours and hours. This is what it looked like after I had it going for about four episodes of Top Gear four hours.



Now you'll notice a lot of the liquid has steamed away, leaving you with very little broth. Well, fuck, after all that work, you need more to show for it, right? So...



Spoon the cooked veggies into the blender with a little bit of the liquid and puree that sucker to a fine, thin liquid. Oh, yeah.

Now add it back to the liquid in the pot, and LOOKITYA. You just made fresh vegetable stock.



You made a lot of it, actually.



The pepper is there for scale.

OK, now that we have tons of stock we can start on the lentils. First, chop up an onion, three stalks of celery (with leaves, you pillock), and some carrots. That's right. MORE OF THE SAME. But this time instead of boiling, you're going to sweat them out in the pot with some olive oil, salt and pepper, and some garlic. I'd say about five or six cloves of garlic, but I'm a fiend.



All good home-cooked meals start this way, BTW.

While that's working, chop up some roma tomatoes. Or you can use a can of tomatoes, but then I'd have to punch you fondly in the face. I chopped up three, but now that I look back on my life, two would have been plenty.



When the onions are clear, add the tomatoes and cook them down so that their juices flow out. While that's working, get your 16 oz. bag of dry brown lentils out. And a box of macaroni.



When the tomatoes have broken down so that you can't see many chunks of them anymore, pour in the bag of lentils, stir to coat the vegetables, and then add your stock. If you're working in anything less than a two-foot high stock pot, you will need to fill it nearly to the top and then keep adding liquid as the lentils cook.



After that's done, slap the lid on a cook on low until the lentils are tender. Taste them to make sure they aren't hard. It will take almost a whole 'nother episode of Top Gear about 45 minutes. Check the pot every 15 minutes or so to stir and add more stock or water if needed.

When the lentils are tender and almost all the liquid has been sucked up by the little buggers, toss in 1/3 of a box of macaroni.



Make sure there's enough liquid to cook the pasta. Keep the lid off and cook until the pasta is al dente.




TA DA. A little cheese grated on top, and that's dairy. That is every single thing you're supposed to eat in one bowl. This is excellent the next day as leftovers and can be frozen too. NOM AWAY.

For those of your who need a written recipe (lame, but I guess useful) here it is. Obviously, I changed it to make it better different, but you can play with it too.

2 tablespoons olive oil, plus extra for drizzling
1 medium onion, chopped
2 carrots, peeled and chopped
2 celery stalks, chopped
2 garlic cloves, chopped
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 (14 1/2-ounce) can diced tomatoes
1 pound lentils (approximately 1 1/4 cups)
11 cups low-salt chicken broth
4 to 6 fresh thyme sprigs
2/3 cup dried elbow pasta
1 cup shredded Parmesan

Heat the oil in a heavy large pot over medium heat. Add the onion, carrots, and celery. Add the garlic, salt, and pepper and saute until all the vegetables are tender, about 5 to 8 minutes. Add the tomatoes with their juices. Simmer until the juices evaporate a little and the tomatoes break down, stirring occasionally, about 8 minutes. Add the lentils and mix to coat. Add the broth and stir. Add the thyme sprigs. Bring to a boil over high heat. Cover and simmer over low heat until the lentils are almost tender, about 30 minutes.

Stir in the pasta. Simmer until the pasta is tender but still firm to the bite, about 8 minutes. Season with salt and pepper, to taste.

Ladle the soup into bowls. Sprinkle with the Parmesan, drizzle with olive oil, and serve.