Destination: Awesometown. Population: Me.

I haz a new thingy.

It's a blog where "I" write letters to a pretend, imaginary girlfriend. Hopefully it will start building into a story that is funny, touching, and maybe even sexy? Each letter will be me describing a made-up event from our nonexistent relationship. Like "The Day We Totally Did It In a Macy's Dressing Room" or "The Day You Introduced Me To Your Folks and I Made That Awful Faux Pas."

It's just begun, but if you'd like to check it out, I hope you enjoy:

Dear Pretend Girlfriend

(Hopefully, this gets me a book deal. Schwing, lol.)

I dunno, maybe I'm just feeling sucky, but this video made me cry. I guess it was just thinking about how we all have problems, and mine aren't so bad, and after all, they're shared in one way or another with pretty much everyone else on earth.

(Except losing to Sweden in a sport. I'm pretty sure that's not something I'm burdened with.)

Found via @qikipedia, the offical Twitter home of the QI elves.

EDIT: OMG you should mos def follow the elves if you want to see all sorts of cool shit like this here. Also, for every person who follows them today, they'll donate money to Comic Relief.

I don't even know Torchwood that well, but ask_captainjack is too lolacious not to add to my Google Reader.

And if you have The Twitter, you should totally follow @TheWaltWhitman! This is Twitter at its best. Doubly funny if you're an English major!

OK, I need to finish up some dirty fucking shit.

Okay, if you don't know what YTMND is, it's an internet meme site where pictures and sounds are uploaded in a purposefully crude manner to engender lulz.

This is the best Top Gear one, because it combines video game nerdiness with Top Gear nerdiness with an addition of ridiculous drama for extra YTMND points:

Metal (Top) Gear Solid

I guess if you never played Metal Gear Solid back in the day, the joke won't make much sense to you. The game's format was this: you played Snake, a super secret spy/ass-kicker. You had radio contact with an outside team that helped you along your mission. If you died, someone would get on your radio and shout, "Snake? Are you there? Talk to me! SNAAAAAAAAKE!" And that was your Game Over screen.

With the appropriately dramatic music, you know. So I guess I just explained that joke to death. All the fun has died, and I apologize for murdering it.

Just a reminder:

In 15 days? We won't have this guy as president anymore:



In other news, tired TJ is tired.

I can't even tell.

BTW, Hitler, sticking a flag on a globe doesn't actually mean you conquer that nation. Like, if that were true...man. War would be easy.

In other news, writing is hard?

Gravelly for-serious voiceover man sez:

EVERYBODY DIES!

Jesus Christ, Jack Bauer promos much?