What To Do When Your Best Friend is Dating a Superhero

[triedunture]

A Handy Guide on What To Do
When Your Best Friend is Obviously Dating a Superhero

1. Make Sure It's a Superhero

Your friend may mention that his new love interest is a millionaire playboy with a mansion on the outskirts of town, exotic cars, fine taste in wines, and has to leave at strange times during the date.

Be alert. That could easily be a super villain!

Ask probing yet subtle questions like:
Does this love interest have a facial scar?
Is he prematurely bald? Like, all over?
Has he mentioned his extreme frustration and anger re: democracy and human rights?

If the answers are no, than congratulations. Your friend is actually dating a superhero.


2. How Not To Seem Jealous

It's perfectly normal for the green-eyed monster to rear its head once you learn your friend is being swept off his feet by a Tony Stark or Bruce Wayne. But temper your jealousy with this knowledge: your friend is now in extreme danger of being kidnapped, slaughtered, or possibly turned into a villain himself (all it takes is one bad breakup).

So don't jump to conclusions! Your friend has a rough road ahead, and he might need your help.


3. Use Spoilers to Your Advantage

Now that your best friend is dating a superhero, you, as a comic book nerd, will have an intimate knowledge of said friend's love interest that apparently said friend does not yet possess. Prove your psychic-like abilities by warning him about the red thong that will make its appearance once Stark strips to his skivvies. Sit back and wait for a frantic, late-night phone call asking you how the fuck you knew about that.

Feign ignorance. This is the fun part, and you should really ride it for all its worth.


4. Encourage an Alliance with the Butler

Every millionaire playboy superhero has his Pennyworth, his Jarvis. This butler knows everything about the mansion, including how to use the super secret escape tunnels in the event of an attack. Oh, and it will get attacked. Encourage your friend to be nice to the butler. Ask him about cricket. They like that sort of crap.


5. Try to Muscle in on the Sidekick

If your friend's superhero boyfriend is an active justice-maker, then chances are there's a sidekick or an entire team of other superheroes at his back. These sidekicks might make good prospects for you. Sure, they may not have the millions to finance the superhero organization, or the cocky can-do attitude that your best friend finds so attractive in his love interest, but the sidekicks will have something just as good: an amazingly rocking body.

Remember, sidekicks need love too. So tip the butler, put on your best distressed look, and go get yourself your own Might in Tights.

Dedicated to Tony. Please don't get yourself blown up.

Comments

[mxdp.livejournal.com]

6. Or you could just date the butler.

[triedunture.livejournal.com]

6a. Although butlers are intellectually superior to most life forms, they may not always have a rocking bod. Just, you know, prioritize as you see fit.

re: Dating the superhero's butler

[hohaiyee.livejournal.com]

If one is in the same age range, especially if one is also a retired superhero or sidekick or super secretary (Pepper Potts), it might be a swell match. Dating them would be awesome, because they'll have great stories, they might look very good for their age, and they'll know how to clean up after themselves. There is excitement around you but you'll get kidnapped less then if you were dating the sidekick. It's pretty cool, except for skrulls.

Jarvis was the in British army when he was younger. Alfred was an actor and and intelligence officer...who honoured his father's wish of serving the Wayne family...and BTW, Alfred's father name is Jarvis. I think there is a list of acceptable names for members of a Butler family. ...and related, in All About Eve (1950), famous actress Margo Channing's maid, Birdie, was a retired actress herself, and they were rather like Karen and Rosario. Being the maid or butler is certainly Not Glamourous, but in the cases of Alfred and Jarvis, it lets them keep an ear on the action, take care of some young hero they care for, while living in comfortable setting. Ditto for Birdie, she probably wasn't married, and who knew where she would have ended up in that era if she hadn't been working for Margo.

I think certain types of superheroes will actually mutate into butlers if they somehow survived being young. The Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne won't be there, and neither would Wolverine even if he does grow old...Wolverine might raise somebody's orphan in a trailer or cabin somewhere. They'll be the quiet but awesome but quiet (you'll never know they are behind you until you feel the knife!) type who routinely deals with supervillains, and routinely one day finds out that all 'their' supervillains have died off, there are new heroes, and hey they are old now.

[mxdp.livejournal.com]

6b. Or date his hot, intelligent grandson.

[mxdp.livejournal.com]

And I agree with what s/he said. *points above, to Hohaiyee. Yes.

[triedunture.livejournal.com]

Butlers don't have children! They just leap forth from the heads of their fathers fully grown and making tea, like Athena, but with more tea.

[cadeira.livejournal.com]

7. Be the technology nerd (not helpful in case superhero is one himself)
Try to find out all about the vehicle the superhero is using and help developing it even further. If there comes a time the superhero fails (because this is postmodern times and shit happens) you may sell your insights to automobile manufacturers or offer the ideas to the James Bond movie producers.