Recipe: Potato & Leek Soup

[triedunture]

*SHOVES A POTATO IN YOUR FACE*

This is a potato. It costs about 14 cents if you buy a big bag.

*BRANDISHES A BUNCH OF LEEKS*

These green things are called vegetables. This particular species is a leek, which grows out of the ground much like a green onion except a little bigger.

These be lean times. You gotta put this shit together in a soup if you wanna have a good, hot meal. This ain't Paris. We can't just open up the pat-TAY and caviar.

This is what you do. Take three leeks and chop them up. If you've never eaten a leek before, this is how you do it: cut off the little fiddly end and chop off the dark green tops. The only part you need is the white bit in the middle as shown.



Slice the leeks down the middle, wash them, and then chop them into tiny green-white half-moons. Melt some butter over low heat and cook the leeks for about 10 minutes with the lid on. Don't fry them, just sweat them out. I added about 6 cloves of garlic to this process, but let's face it, I'm mad.

Skin 2 lbs. of potatoes and chop them up. Dump them into with some stock (you can use up the last of that homemade veggie stock if you like) and some water, just enough to cover everything. Heat to boiling. Then lower the heat and put a lid on it. Cook about 20 minutes, stirring every so often. It'll look like this:



Then take your nifty blender that you bought JUST to make soup (though when summer comes back, daiquiris are sounding good) and puree about half of the contents of the pot. Slop what is essentially mashed potatoes back into the pot and give it all a stir.



Mmmm, a creamy soup that's hearty and filling and tastes lightly of leek (or, if you're me, heavily of garlic). Sprinkle in salt and pepper as needed, along with maybe a dash of hot sauce. Goes well with bread or biscuits.

If you want it to look prettier, in case you have company, I would suggest a light chicken broth instead of veggie stock, which turns it sort of brown and dreary. Chicken broth keeps everything white and sort of puffy looking.

Whatever. I'll keep my manly brown vegetarian soup, thankyouverymuch. And I will eat it while watching Top Gear and drinking Cobra, which is Budweiser's newest "malt beverage." It's 75 cents for a 16 oz (1 pint) can, which you'd think would excuse all its deformities. But it doesn't. You can maybe choke it down when it's ice cold and tasteless, but after it warms up just a few degrees, the horrible iron and dirt (there's no other word for it!) tones come in and ruin pretty much everything. I have poured more Cobra down the sink this week than I have actually drank.

Thanks, Bud, for creating an awful "beer" marketed towards young black men. You know, we have a black president now. You can probably give the brothers something that doesn't taste like the back of a toilet tank in Times Square. Just sayin'.

Look at that. You got a recipe for food and some beverage advice. You're welcome, you ungrateful sacks of refuse.

This has been Angry Cooking and Drinking.

Comments

[triedunture.livejournal.com]

Yeah whoa, y'all need to start coming up with better names for foodstuffs. That all sounds demented and toxic.